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Chips and Shit.

For the days you find you a little something on your face... Cheers Mamas.. this one is for you.

For that day when you are eating chips, and you keep thinking man…. these chips smell stinkier than the usual chip stink, only to realize that the smell you smell is not, in fact, the regular chip stink, rather, human feces on your face from the last diaper change.

How did it get there? Good question. It may have happened around the time that your toddler kicked her foot in the diaper that you didn’t place out of range and proceeded to kick you in the face. Why yes, you would think that you would wash your face after the diaper-dosed foot encounter, but it's hard to focus when preoccupied with chasing the foster cat, now eating the contents of the diaper that you quickly thew out of toddler hand and foot range. Once the cat was safely in the basement (licking its chops), you proceeded to clean the carpet where the crap carnage occurred.

You must have laid a towel down on the floor? Good thought. There was a towel down. However, it became an accomplice in hazard when the toddler decided to do what well call "fecal fitness," moving the body up, down, and all-around, creating a hot stinking mess much akin to a brown Jackson Pollock.

Jackson Pollock: Number 1A, 1948 Number 1A, 1948, oil and enamel on canvas by Jackson Pollock, 1948; in the Museum of Modern Art, New York City. 172.7 × 264.2 cm. Fine Art Images/SuperStock

After you removed the towel from under the toddler's bottom, it was then grabbed by tiny poop-filled fingers, resulting in a heavy tug of war bout between toddler and mother, resulting in the towel landing Pollack side down a couple of feet away.

Enter- four year old. Eager to witness the chaos- steps on the towel, making a second masterpiece on the white carpet.

God, I love parenthood.

Toddler bathed. Butt fresh and clean. New diaper. New onesie. Carpet clean. Hands washed. Check check check. Let's break into these chips.



Watching: "Jackson Pollock." Andy Mineo.

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